this is no laughing matter

I went with a friend this week to our first "Laughter Yoga" class. I wanted to give this a go, because it was something that had once seemed so ridiculous to me. The forced nature of it. The knowing idiocy. In working to confront, engage, and hopefully transform my own judgements, preconceived notions, and self-righteous opinions, I thought now would be the time. I must disclose that my friend and I did not last very long. I believe we had only done the actual laughing bit for about 10 minutes before we hightailed it out of there faster than a walk of shame across a college campus.

What we happened upon was nothing like any of the videos I have watched online, where the sessions seemed focused on physical repetitions of movement conjoined with laughter, fake and real intermixing and ebbing about. This was like an acting class. A bad acting class. A bad acting class where the teacher told the students to walk through the space and speak to one another in gibberish. Now, I don't know about you, but this really seems like getting off to a bad start. If the purpose of this get together is to release the tension we so predominately hold in our bellies, then why would you start off with the most forced cliches which involve speaking? I know it's gibberish, but this still activates the brain in a way that's completely different than making cow faces or shaking your hands to imitate the force of a deep laugh. It requires some degree of thought, especially when you lead up to "now go around and yell at someone in gibberish" and "now go apologize to that person in gibberish while singing a country western song!" I feel that leading a group in such a manner ventures away from some base laughter concept, and into the disastreous world of insincerity and hey-world-look-at-me-i'm-gonna-be-a-star mentality so excessively overflowing in LA. The last time I felt so uncomfortable I was at the gyn's being told to "scoot on down." My friend and I found ourselves by the door during the gibberish sequence where we were trying to quickly decide whether we should tough it out and stay. Then someone next to us in the tiny room farted. We left.

Meditate on This...

When working with alignment in yoga, one is generally focused on alignment of form. The outer ankle being parallel with the inner ankle. The left leg in alignment with the right leg, and so on. But what about alignment of energy? When we are in ardha chandrasana, is the energy that we are using on the standing leg aligned with the energy of the lifting leg? Or conversely, is our energy solely focused on the lifted leg to the detriment of the standing, perhaps being left to compress with a locked knee? And what about the rest of our energy? Is is directed only towards our points of contact with the floor, or are we working to align the energy throughout the entire body.

Can we fully align our energy - physically, mentally, spiritually --- or at least begin an awareness within our practice of the many realms of alignment???

Jill Bolte Taylor's Stroke of Insight

Meditate on This...

Yoga is Everything.

the biz of yoga...

I picked up a Yoga Journal at the airport on my way back to LA Tuesday (after one missed and one cancelled flight left me missing the first night of Noah Maze's Inversion Workshop) and read it on the plane. Actually, I didn't really read much in it - Maybe I really haven't looked at one for years since the time I read some article which was basically a great free ad for Yoga Works, a company, which, quite frankly disturbs me, run by a man, who, disturbs me even more. Anyways, the entire magazine was filled with weight loss drug ads. Awesome. It's clear that the knowledge, "Eat less, Move more" doesn't mean shit as far as ad-revenue is concerned. I can't believe I spent $6 for a packet of ads that looked eerily similar to any of your average low self-esteem lady mags out there. Next time, I'll just stick with Mother Jones magazine and call it a day.

if music saved my life, then yoga saved my soul...

Align your body - Align your life - Align your heart - a bigger picture - a greater purpose.

Last year I was at the grocery store on Valentines Day standing behind a man who was buying up all the v-day goods in the store. He had bears, candy, red pink glitter papers, toys, fake flowers, a pink cake. He had it all. I thought about all that plastic crap from China... where it came from, where it was headed, and why. Then I went home, drank some red wine. And I wrote this poem I am going to share here.

Not so long after I wrote this, my Love and I finally found each other. I truly believe it's only because of how actively I was working on my alignment. In the literal detail of that as well as the big picture.

A yoga teacher of mine once said that you have to have awareness of your path and your potential. What work do you need to do to move towards that self- realization...

My love inspires me every day, to love deeper than I ever knew myself to be capable of.

-----------------------------------------------

don't tell me you love me

don't tell me you love me

gift wrapped in pink tinsel/red ribbons/silver confetti

spilling from plastic bags

onto hallmarked visions of insincerity

sincere grandiose inarticulateness

that grasps and gropes

to latch onto a word that could tie/pull/beat my heart into yours

like one more submissive victim of key marketing executives

just another shoe in for the target demographic

i couldn't stand still in a place that was so precisely bought executed delivered

don't tell me

don't tell me you love me

with flowers pulled from their source/life/breath

i don't want my love to be bouqueted up

saturated with the dank unwashable stench of death

where the waters are thick yellow murky

rotting stalks disintegrating

don't tell me

don't tell me you love me

through milk chocolate/sugarcane

artificial flavors FDC yellow #6, red#40, red#40, yellow#5, yellow#6, blue #1

blue #1, yellow#5

with corn syrup

corn is just too opportunistic too greedy too manipulative for the love i want

and yellow number 6 took me home once but never called again

so please

don't tell me

don't tell me you love me

from a striped victoria's secret box

i don't want my love costumed in a mass consumerist

fantasy as if desire truly was directed from the pages of a magazine

as if i couldn't smell the blood of exploitation

of chemical annihilation

on that cheap synthetic fabric

as if my body wouldn't be able to feel the vibrations

of the screams held in by the young woman who

pieced together the fake satin and lace into

this shallow maxim concept of exactly what sexy is

i don't need to bring back what is already inherent

so don't tell me

don't tell me you love me with an earring that will fall

into the bathroom sink - a bracelet that would stain my wrist

a ring - as if love really could be contracted through a piece of jewlery

as if that were a promise that could always be kept

i don't want a love that rusts and cracks and goes away

when the hotel safe gets broken into...

i want you to tell me

with one glance from your eyes

with one graze from your palm

with one sigh from your throat

tell me

simple

tell me

honest

tell me

love.

Sound Bathing....

For starters, it is really difficult to attempt to articulate this experience, if solely for the fact that is will be uniquely different for everyone every time.

When my friend from yoga teacher training asked our study group if any of us had ever gone to a Gong Sound Bath, I think I just went "Huh?" I mean, WTF is a sound bath? She started going to them in Chicago. I'd never even heard of this. "What's it like?" - "It (I'm paraphrasing and tired) gets really loud." And there it is. How in the hell does one articulate the experience.

I'm using my time back in LA wisely - with focus, with purpose, with an open heart. My intention is to utilize the infinite opportunities here for growth, learning, and fun healthy play. I want to try everything on the yogic realms - especially that which scares me (like my first acro class was - which was incredible!). Or that I so easily judge (laughter yoga, for example, and so yes, I am going to one this month!) I called a close friend to see if she wanted to go check out the sound bath with me and a new friend from training. She tells me she is going to get a drink instead.

According to the Yoga Blend website, The Yoga Sound bath is like a cosmic symphony. You will enjoy a full spectrum of healing as you are moved through gentle and restorative poses while the sounds of healing crystal bowls and gongs fill the air. A great way to relax your body and renew your spirit!

The workshop is led by Heather Hudson & Jamie Bechtold. I get to the studio early. It's nice and warm to come in here from the intense rain that has been going on outside all day. I get some hot tea. I set up. For this class, we bust out all the toys. 2 bolsters. 3 blankets. 2 blocks. Sandbag. Eye pillow. My friend and I can't stop giggling at first. Is it an awkward recognition of the oddness in our culture to create group coziness? Is is trapped anxiety? Or is it just fun to laugh and giggle, I mean, for goodness sakes, we are covered up with blankets and satiny weights of sand and it's Friday night in LA. We are all totally gonna fall asleep in here. The gongs are set. The lights are dimmed off off and away. Candles flicker. First pose....

For 2 hours, we were led through 5 restorative poses. Props and bolsters were essential to all the holds, which were held for long periods of passive restoration. The gongs and bowls and tuning forks were used throughout the series, ebbing and flowing, increasing and decreasing in tempos, textures, and intensity. There were times that the sounds were so physically intense that it really helped me to focus into a deeper meditative state, for the pure reason that I wanted my mind out of the equation so that I could just EXPERIENCE the sensations and vibrations on a different realm. I came out of the workshop feeling really alive and rested and vibrant. I am interested in checking out different leaders of these workshops, as I hear many are quit different. For example, one I heard about, has the participants basically just lying down for the duration, never moving, never doing any position other than corpse.

Yoga: cheaper than therapy + added benefits of tight butt

Congrats on your growing ability to do more floating and less thrashing as you cascade down the stream of consciousness. I think you're finally understanding that a little bit of chaos isn't a sign that everything's falling apart forever omigod the entire planet's crashing and evil is in ascension . . . but rather that a healthy amount of bewildering unpredictability keeps things fresh and clean. My advice is to learn to relax even more as you glide with serene amusement through the bubbling and churning waters of life.Courtesy of Rob Brezsny

Today I woke up sore. Still. Mega sore. My ass and thighs have made it difficult to walk at times the past couple of days. So, of course, I automatically skip my am yoga. Then as the day went on, I started to make all sorts of excuses to myself about not going to yoga at all today. "I hurt." "I have a flight tonight, I should really pack and get ready." "I'd rather watch a movie on netflix and waste an hour (two) on Facebook."

I go to class. I head to a mixed level 4:00 to a teacher whom I've never been to before. I recognize her and about halfway through the class I realize from where. A couple of years ago I went to an Immersion Week Workshop with Noah Mazé and this woman was next to me in class and really helped me out with my headstands. Super nice lady. Anyways, her class was awesome, and I got super deep work in with my urdhva dhanurasana. Nothing beats the high of opening your heart the world!

I feel wonderful now, and I knew that if I just got on the mat - I would. Yoga makes me so happy I'ma gonna cry.

Side note, I registered for an Inversion Workshop coming up soon with Noah. Check it out.

Tanutara: Making of the Anusara Syllabus Poster

Tanutara: Making of the Anusara Syllabus Poster from Ross Evans on Vimeo.

one

Conceptual Birthing

Today was the first day that my study group got together, and one of the things we practiced was a little freestyle conceptual focusing. Conceptual focusing is generally known as the "theme" that a teacher may use at the beginning and throughout a class. I had been practicing at different places for years before I came across teachers who did this, and then, when I moved to LA, I started studying Anusara, which is like, hello - themes are may-jah! So - we were all a little nervous but we jumped right on in. - My attempt to recall what I was talking about...

I recently watched this documentary, The Business of Being Born, and it reminded me of a comment that was made during our second week of teacher training, about one person "giving up" during a pose. This stuck with me for a while, because this is something we all face in our practice - how we deal with difficulty.

The documentary is pretty incredible - I have never seen a home birth. I have never seen a vaginal delivery, and it's getting quite rare these days. My sister gave birth at a hospital. They have this drill now, where if you aren't pushing that baby out in around 2 hours, they basically tell you that your babies life depends on a c-section. And they proceed to give you this major operation. When I saw my sister, she was lying down, there are tubes everywhere...It's not a pretty place. Add to that image, every movie or tv show you see where a woman is giving birth, they make it look like the scariest and most traumatic thing you can possibly imagine as a woman. So, there I am, watching this video - and I'm bawling - not because I'm scared - but, they show around 4 or 5 home births in the movie, because I am so emotionally moved. I have never seen an act so beautiful to be honest. I was awestruck by the power of woman.

All of the women talked about the process of their labor, and it seems like every one had gotten to this really hard place. And one of the women, when sharing her experience, was describing how she felt she was at this rock. This hard rock and she just wanted to give up. She's talking to herself in her head, and she's saying, "Well, what are you going to do? Walk out of here and be pregnant for the rest of your life? That ain't gonna work." And she faced it. She faced the pain, she faced that hard rock, and opened to it. And then that baby came.

Later on in the movie she said, to paraphrase, "It was the most empowered I have ever felt. If I can do that, I CAN DO ANYTHING." Wow. I can do anything. How powerful. What is being robbed from all these women who are being institutionally forced into having c-sections...

There is something we can all take from this - Whether you have already given birth, whether you plan on someday giving birth, whether you are a man and will never be able to literally give birth - can we look at every hard rock we cross paths with in our lives like this, as an opportunity to empower? Instead of giving up, can we make every hard moment an opportunity to grow? Or to let go? To play?

What would happen if we let go of the limitations society, or family, or relationships, or, and most importantly, What would happen if we let go of the limits we place on ourselves? What kind of person would you become? What kind of life would that look like?

In our practice, we have a regular opportunity to face this. Let's think about this when we get into a hard place, when we get into difficult terrain. Instead of giving up, let's think - I CAN DO ANYTHING.

This goes out to the ladies in my study group!!!!

Yoga Teacher Training

The initial intention of this page is to document my journey through yoga teacher training in Los Angeles. Here I intend to record creative expressions, reflections, inspirations, bad jokes, tmi, and who knows what else, as I move along on a pathway to an open heart. :)